Actual call centre conversations

Can't guarantee these are genuine, but they deserve to be!

Customer'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'
Operator'Where did you get that number from, sir?'
Customer'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'.
Operator'Sir, they are our opening hours'

Samsung Electronics
CallerCan you give me the telephone number for Jack ?
OperatorI'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about
CallerOn page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack ?
OperatorI think you mean the telephone point on the wall

RAC Motoring Services
CallerDoes your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia ?
OperatorDoesn't the product name give you a clue?

Directory Enquiries
CallerI'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please
OperatorI'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?
CallerWell, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven
OperatorWoven? Are you sure?
CallerYes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland

Tech SupportI need you to right-click on the Open Desktop
Tech SupportDid you get a pop-up menu?
Tech SupportOK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?
Tech SupportOK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?
CallerSure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'

Tech SupportOK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?
CallerWow. How can you see my screen from there?

There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'. Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):
OperatorRidge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?
CallerYes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect
OperatorWhat sort of trouble?
CallerWell, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away
OperatorWent away?
CallerThey disappeared
OperatorHmm So what does your screen look like now?
CallerIt's blank; it won't accept anything when I type
OperatorAre you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?
CallerHow do I tell?
OperatorCan you see the C: prompt on the screen?
CallerWhat's a sea-prompt?
OperatorNever mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?
CallerThere isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type
OperatorDoes your monitor have a power indicator?
CallerWhat's a monitor?
OperatorIt's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?
CallerI don't know
OperatorWell, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?
CallerYes, I think so
OperatorGreat. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall
CallerYes, it is
OperatorWhen you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?
OperatorWell, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable
CallerOkay, here it is
OperatorFollow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer
CallerI can't reach
OperatorUh huh. Well, can you see if it is?
OperatorEven if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?
CallerOh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark
CallerYes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window
OperatorWell, turn on the office light then
CallerI can't
OperatorNo? Why not?
CallerBecause there's a power failure
OperatorA power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?
CallerWell, yes, I keep them in the closet
OperatorGood. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.
CallerReally? Is it that bad?
OperatorYes, I'm afraid it is
CallerWell, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?
OperatorTell them you're too effing stupid to own a computer!!!!!