Classic Answers from the Leaders of Tomorrow

This is a compilation of actual student GSCE answers - Truly a great read.

Mummies inhabited ancient Egypt and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah desert and travelled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments, he died before he ever reached Canada.
Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.
Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.
Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen". As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "Hurrah!"
Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand". Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin, which he built with his own hands.
Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.
Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between, he practised on an old spinster, which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half-German half Italian and half English. He was very large. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music.